I recently lost my husband and best friend. It happened suddenly, without warning. And my life is now in a tailspin. I’ve lost people before. My grandfather “Poppie” died without much warning, and I remember feeling a similar pain in my heart. Others in my life were older and on their way out, so there was time to emotionally prepare for the burden of death. But my husband’s death is a burden I can’t bare.
I don’t have an adequate amount of space to mourn. In the rush of death, there are memorials to think about, family to tend to, children to raise. I’ve come to realize that “my life” must still go on, no matter how stuck I feel. I can’t stop the rush of responsibilities, but I want to take the time to speak out loud, shout to the wind, as this is my venue and it is forever.
To the husband, I love you. You were my rock, you made me feel safe in a cold, bad world. You gave me the greatest gift– your love and attention, and I will never forget it. I was proud of the man you were, are. You were a great confidant, husband, father, brother, friend, businessman and leader. And most importantly, you were a great person. Your generosity will go unsurpassed, you would give a complete stranger your last.
I am losing it today, but tomorrow I will find my way. Just keep guiding me.
Goodbye, my love!